Jokes...post em here!



Postby duffield dan » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:36 pm

I said to my girlfriend this morning, would you like a cup of coffee before we have sex. To which she replied "Iam not bothered they will both be instant" :shock:
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Postby Piet » Tue Dec 29, 2009 5:21 pm

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
My life will never be the same.
Piet

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Postby Perk » Thu Dec 31, 2009 8:57 am

I bought the book "Tiger Woods - How to master the 18 holes".

So disappointed, it was about GOLF :(
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Postby Piet » Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:56 pm

Perk wrote:I bought the book "Tiger Woods - How to master the 18 holes".

So disappointed, it was about GOLF :(


I never discovered 18 holes ( not in one woman :oops: )
My life will never be the same.
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Postby thrund » Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:04 pm

Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."
It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is..


Image

(....can't see what is the joke there....but my wife suggest me to post this joke yet... :wink: )
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Postby Piet » Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:18 pm

Most of the times it "DRIVES" the woman crazy :lol:
My life will never be the same.
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Postby thrund » Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:36 pm

Image
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Postby thrund » Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:47 pm

I just got my new mobile phone, - and it's one I understand how to operate!!!

Image
The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone.
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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby thrund » Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:14 pm

The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone.
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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby rockin532000 » Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:15 am

thrund wrote:http://www.ebay.com/itm/RARE-Jerry-Lee-Lewis-Live-Berlin-March-1977-THE-KILLERS-20s-ANNIVERSARY-SHOW-/260931391919?pt=Music_on_Vinyl&hash=item3cc0b911af

Thomas



Thank you for informing me that I am a rich man. Actually I am prepared to sell this album for only USD 2,300.

Any interest anyone?

Best Wishes
Joerg
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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby Andrew McRae » Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:51 am

rockin532000 wrote:
thrund wrote:http://www.ebay.com/itm/RARE-Jerry-Lee-Lewis-Live-Berlin-March-1977-THE-KILLERS-20s-ANNIVERSARY-SHOW-/260931391919?pt=Music_on_Vinyl&hash=item3cc0b911af

Thomas



Thank you for informing me that I am a rich man. Actually I am prepared to sell this album for only USD 2,300.

Any interest anyone?

Best Wishes
Joerg


Be fair, he is offering free shipping...
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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby wolfgangguhl » Sun Jan 15, 2012 2:23 pm

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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby PeterC » Sun Jan 15, 2012 2:36 pm

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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby Andrew McRae » Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:40 pm

PeterC wrote:


He sounds decidely more like Elvis than does the fellow on that tape that Kay and Myra think is Elvis...now, that is a joke!
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Re: Jokes...post em here!

Postby PeterC » Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:23 pm

Andrew McRae wrote:
PeterC wrote:


He sounds decidely more like Elvis than does the fellow on that tape that Kay and Myra think is Elvis...now, that is a joke!


Haha, very true! :lol:
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